Living in a hotel for a long time can bring its own challenges and at times, some strange insights as it gives you a kind of solitude, may not be the perfect one, but it definitely is a living in solitude. Last evening, after spending most of my day in my room with my laptop, watching a movie and trying to so some work, in the evening I stepped out for small walk around the hotel and realized that it is a full moon night. As I walked by the swimming pool, the moon looked most beautiful from there and I picked up my camera to click some pictures of moon, as it kept playing hide and seek with clouds around it. Though could not click many pictures, but sat down with a few books by the poolside and kept looking at the moon for hours.
When I came down, I was agitated because I was feeling claustrophobic in my room, was probably feeling lonely and lost, but as I sat watching the moon, it had this amazing calming affect on me, that after a while I was almost talking to moon. I was talking to it like my best friend, sharing my thoughts, discussing my views, my joys and my pains. And it almost made me feel, as if it was listening with all ears and could feel what I was feeling,
Then I just sat there turning the pages of my books. Tao Te Ching and Joseph Campbell were my companions in this moonlit night. Ching’s Zen like poems seemed just perfect with moon, moonlight and me. Lao Tsu’s profound short poems with a world of meaning in them, and Ching’s commentary on them, followed by nuggets of wisdom by Campbell, it is what perfect times are made of. It is for these few moments that we do whatever else we do in the rest of our lives.
As the air started getting chilly, I wanted to get my blanket and sleep in the moon light, which felt like is going to take away any disturbances that reside within me. But my conditionings of so many years told me not to take that risk and I was back to the same place for the rest of the night. At times I really wish I could let go of my conditionings and be as free as I would want to be, but am not sure when I would be able to do that completely.